“Real attraction only comes from having a strong frame.” “Don’t let her steal your frame or you’ll lose her.” “When it’s about creating attraction, frame control is king.” “She ghosted you because your frame wasn’t strong enough.” “You can get away with anything if your FRAME IS STRONG ENOUGH” As common as it is to see countless threads raving about the art of “frame control” in the men’s dating corner of the internet- few know what it really (and I mean reaaaaaly) means to have an attractive, impenetrable, masculine frame. That is, very few have a gut-based, in-the-trenches kinda understanding of what it truly feels like to have a rock solid frame, what goes into developing one, and how to strategically use the concept of frame control to well… Control the frame of the interaction to build attraction with the girls you talk to. And we’re going to do exactly that- break down the idea behind frame control into simple terms so you have all the clarity you need to use this powerful technique to level up your social skills and game significantly. Let’s crack into it. First things first…
Well, a frame, simply put is your personal sense or perception of reality. It’s the lens that you use to perceive an external event. It’s the meaning you assign to a particular outcome- like what it means when X person says something to you, what it means when Y event occurs, even what it means to be you! (more on this later). Take this funny “I have a boyfriend” meme as a classic frame control example.
While the outcome here is the girl getting pulled over, both see it in different ways: Cop’s Perspective: I pulled you over because you jumped a light. Girl’s Perspective: You pulled me over because you want to hit on me (but no thanks, I have a boyfriend). One event, different perspectives. See how this works? Another example of frames is the idea of men pedestalizing beautiful women, just because they’re pretty. Because society says that a beautiful woman has more value than you simply because she’s physically attractive, men buy into this frame resulting in the “nice guy” behavior that grosses women out. While the event, in this case, is talking to a beautiful woman- most men view it from the lens of “Because she’s so pretty, I have lesser value than her, so I must worship her like a Goddess even if that means her walking all over me”. Even when we hear about someone getting “framed” by the FBI for instance, it means that this person is being made to appear or be perceived as guilty by producing false evidence. (open loop for dating examples on frame control)
Now that we know that a frame is the meaning one assigns to a given outcome, let us understand what frame control means. Frame control or controlling the frame as we call it, is the ability to shift the general meaning or narrative of your interaction to the meaning of your choice- in a way that’s compelling to the participants of that interaction and in a way that’s beneficial to you. In other words, it’s the ability to change the worldview of those around you so they see things your way. Be it Conor Mcgregor, The Rock, Donald Trump, even Andrew Tate– frame control is a key weapon in the social arsenal of all charismatic people.
Because your ability to control the frame in a social situation is a sign of dominance or social intelligence. You emerge as an emotionally strong and resilient individual (women find this extremely attractive). This not only commands respect from those around you, but also sets up you as a charismatic leader to be respected and followed. And the best part is that the social power that comes with mastering frame control is 2 fold:
1. Men want to be you Because you’re now this socially intelligent force to be reckoned with, more and more guys start to look up to you and want to be friends with you (who doesn’t want to be friends with the leader of the tribe, right?)
2. Women want to be with you If there’s a beautiful woman on the receiving end of the interaction, the dominance you exhibit with your frame control not only makes her feel safe around you but tells her deep DNA hard-wiring that you’d make a great father for her kids- This leads to her feeling the inner urge to mate with you and voila, you’ve got attraction! BUT… As amazing as it feels to control the frame of an interaction, this level of social power (like all good things in life) comes at a price. A price that we call…
Frame battles happen with 2 frames collide with each other. In other words, a frame battle is a situation where 2 people “butt heads” and try to assert their choice of narrative in the interaction. And while there’s a range of techniques to make sure your frame becomes “The Frame” of the social interaction, the real litmus test of the strength of your frame comes down to 2 simple things-
1. Your assertiveness with your personal, self-serving frame
2. How much you emotionally react when other people (in your case, women) try to assert their frames. A common example of frame battles I see all the time is men struggling to get women to like them. This is something I’ve personally dealt with (and 100 bucks says you have too!). Let’s say you’re flirting with a hot girl you just met at the club and a few minutes later, she starts to throw curveballs at you. Maybe she starts morally policing you or passes a nasty remark on your appearance. This is a classic example of testing and there are only 2 ways this could play out.
1. You’re affected, react by getting defensive (or worse, butt hurt) and lose the frame battle.
Her: Your hair is so weird and dorky. How much did you pay for that haircut? 10 bucks? (her narrative: you’re not good-looking enough for me)
You: No! I swear to God it’s just a little greasy because of the sweat from my workout. And I always pay at least $100 for my haircut! Is it really that weird and dorky? Maybe I should change it? (your narrative: you’re right but please like me! I spend a lot of money so you like me!) Conclusion: By dignifying her comment with your justification, you imply that she’s the boss in your interaction which only strengthens her frame (do you justify yourself to people who you’re above?).
2. You’re unaffected, respond by making her look stupid for even saying that and win the frame battle. Her: Your hair is so weird and dorky. How much did you pay for that haircut? 10 bucks? (her narrative: you’re not good-looking enough for me)
You: yeah it is, but it’s honestly better for you this way.
Her: why is that?
You: Because if I kept up with the latest hair trends, I’d be out of your league. *smirks* (your narrative: I’m the boss and my dorky hair only makes me attainable to you) Conclusion: By being unfazed and responding by framing her as the one chasing you, you shift the meaning of the interaction to a narrative that serves you while her frame falls flat.
A good way to understand your own frame is to take a moment and reflect on how you perceive women and how you perceive yourself as a man with respect to women. You can do this by asking yourself the following questions:
Do I feel like I have high value while talking to an attractive girl?
Do I feel like I belong with or deserve beautiful women?
What are some of my most appealing qualities that women would find attractive?
Journal the answers to these questions without lying to yourself. This should give you a general idea of how you perceive yourself and women, aka your frame. If your frame is empowering, great! You’ll communicate with women from a place of personal power and abundance. If not, great! Unlike most clueless men, you know it needs work. (can embed CTA here)
There’s 2 levels at which you can control the frame of an interaction. A verbal level and a non-verbal level.
You use your verbal skills, sharp wit, and banter to flip the script and give the interaction the meaning that serves you best. https://tenor.com/view/conor-mcgregor-who-the-fuck-is-that-guy-stanthesmog-gif-19537928
You use your unspoken social cues such as your body language, vocal tonality, eye contact, and facial expressions to control the frame of the interaction. A great and easy example of non-verbal frame control, as you’ll discover in the next section is ignoring. <kyle video demo optional> Now that you have a working idea of what frame control is and the different ways to exercise it, let’s dive into a few techniques to win frame battles and spark attraction with women.
You straight up ignore her advances to assert a frame that doesn’t empower or serve you. The idea behind ignoring is to cut the supply of social energy and attention to her frame making it appear unimportant and lame. Ignoring can be used while building attraction especially when women test you or throw unnecesary resistance your way. <cue Kyle’s demo>
Instead of battling your frames, you find a common ground where both your frames can come to a mutual agreement. This builds rapport and connection by creating a win-win situation for both you and your girl. Bridging is usually done as a means to solve any logistical problems or objections that may come up during the course of your interaction. An example of this is telling her that you’ll drop her home if she wants to hang out with you, but her friends are leaving the venue. <cue Kyle’s demo>
This is where you use her frame to assign it a meaning that serves you and playfully challenges her. A great example of reframing is to view a girl being mean to you as her way of trying to impress you. Here’s another example of using reframing to win frame battles with women- <cue Kyle’s demo>
While some amount of tension is always good for attraction, frame battles don’t always have to be an adverserial win-lose situation where you get your ego stroked and the other’s destroyed. We’re not trying to hurt anyone… And especially not if it’s a girl you like, wouldn’t you agree? The whole point of winning frame battles is to be in control of the interaction and give it a romantic, man-to-woman direction. So why not do it with some humor? <cue Kyle’s demo>
The is where you “flip the script” and make the focus of her own frame about her intead of you, in a way that challenges her and makes her feel just a tad bit vulnerable. <cue Kyle’s demo>
This is especially helpful if you want to call women out on their double-standards and put them in their place (obviously in a playful way). Say your girl accuses you of something she too is guilty of. You can use the mirroring technique to win back the frame by staying calm, unfazed and putting the spotlight on her hypocrisy in a playfully challenging way.
While frame battles are common in a multitude of situations, here’s when to assert your frame in the context of sparking attraction and flirting with women:
That’ll do it! I hope this guide gave you a solid idea of what frame control is, why it’s so powerful and how you can use it your advantage while talking to women. When done right, frame control can quickly get you large amounts of attraction, especially with high caliber women! While this guide covers the theory behind frame control, it’s important that you apply this technique to real interactions with real women to fully internalize it. But if you’re just starting out, aren’t too sure how to go about it and need a seasoned vet to personally guide you to controlling frames like it’s noones business, that’s exactly what you get in module 3 of my brand new digital product – The Magnetic Vibe Blueprint . Not only do you get access to my deepest, most effective, real world insights on frame control- but also get to hop on weekly calls where I personally watch over you and ensure you get this dailed in to the tee. Sounds good? Check it out here
(The Talk Your Father Never Gave You)