As an accomplished dating coach who’s helped thousands of men all over the world make a “dream come true” impact on their dating lives, it doesn’t take a genius to guess that my job is to help men develop the social confidence and skills to attract the women they truly desire.
And while that, without question is true, a big part of my coaching philosophy is also about gaining a profound understanding the backstories of every single one of my students’ when they begin working with us.
Do they want to lose their v-card? Did their girlfriend cheat on them, and now they want to sleep with a bunch of girls? Or are they downright fed up with being rejected, friend-zoned, or worse, ignored by women?
While each of them comes from their own unique place with their own unique set of problems and motivations…
they all share a common pattern of insecurity that cripples and paralyzes them when it’s time to put my teachings into action, get in the reps, and finally approach women.
And that is the fear of coming off as creepy if they approached a girl they don’t know.
The problem is that this overwhelming fear of being seen as this unwanted creepy weirdo is such a big deal for most guys, it shows up this lingering obstacle in their learning curve, keeping them from doing what they should be doing in the first place- getting in the reps and approaching women.
Chances are you’re dealing with something similar and it’s keeping you from striking a conversation with the women that you find attractive.
And that’s exactly the goal behind this comprehensive guide- to arm you with my personal set of tried and tested techniques, so we help you eliminate all the creepy behaviors that repel women and make your approach ooze the alpha male confidence that commands compelling, undeniable attraction.
But before I reveal the actionable how-to’s that you’ll use to make that smooth approach happen, it’s important that you understand the science behind what’s really crippling you…
The whole point of this section is to give you a deeper insight into the big WHY behind the anxiety that you face.
The reason this is helpful is because once you identify the origins of your anxiety, it’ll begin to lose it’s power over you to a point where you don’t feel threatened to approach women any more.
Sound good? Alright then, here’s the thing:
While your mind will always rationalize your anxiety as “I don’t want to look like a creep if I approach her”, know that comes from a place that’s way deeper than you think.
In fact, it dates back to hundreds of thousands of years ago, when we were caveman living in tribes.
See, our tribes were led by the most dominant and badass males (aka, the alpha males) who’d venture into the wild to hunt for and protect their people from other enemy tribes.
Naturally, these alpha dudes had a lot of value and privileges – and with that, came access to the hottest (cave)women too.
So if you happened to hit on a female who was with an alpha male, and he found out, chances were he’d hunt you down and rip your guts apart. 🙂
This fear of being smoked by the leader of tribe (if you hit on his girl) was instilled so deep into our subconcious minds…
It became an integral part of of our survival mechanism manifesting itself as this irrational biological drive that kicks in and makes you feel uncomfortable every time you commit to the act of approaching an attractive female.
And because your conscious mind doesn’t know any better, it cooks up a number of excuses to justify this baseless fear, one of them being the worry of being seen as a creep.
Alright then, now that you’ve understood why your anxiety coming off as a creep with girls isn’t real, let’s jump into the how-to’s behind approaching women like an absolute boss.
Our main goal here is to understand and develop the subtle social behaviors that go into approaching women in a way that shows confidence and high-value as a man when you start talking, and eliminates every last bit of possibility that you’ll come off as creepy.
By developing things like attractive body language, maintaining a certain kind of eye contact, and other social cues, it is indeed possible to approach girls in a way that not only makes them feel intrigued by you, but also genuinely interested in starting a friendly conversation with you.
On that note, let’s get into the components that go into executing that smooth approach:
I know, I know… Before you call me out and hound me with “Kyle, don’t you always say looks don’t matter?”, hear me our for a second.
When I say looks, I don’t mean that you need to be a genetically blessed Giga Chad. You don’t need to be 6’4, jacked, or look like a sqaure-jawed Abercrombie & Fitch model.
You don’t always have to be the hotter guy. But you can definitely do things that you can control to increase your visual appeal as a man.
That’s right, I’m talking about your presentation.
Just the way you like it when she’s wearing a certain type of tight jeans or sexy top that accentuates her feminine curves, women want you to look sharp and presentable.
Why? because it makes a solid first impression.
If you’re walking up to a hot girl looking like a shabby homeless man, you’re going to have to deal with a lot of resistance from her simply because you she’s not going to feel like you belong to her world, just like other girls of her caliber would feel.
So you want to be wearing well-fitted clothes that suit your body type, make sure your hair isn’t shabby and greasy, and keep your face clean. If you don’t have a beard, it’s best to keep your face clean shaven. If you do, make sure it’s groomed and well-trimmed.
If you’re hitting them gym from time to time and staying in shape, that’s even better! Women love men that take care of their bodies because it shows that you love yourself.
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and they aren’t wrong.
Women are interesting people. They can instintively tell a lot about a total stranger is feeling, just by looking into their eyes. And because you can’t fake your eye contact, it’s called an honest signal of communication.
That being said, you can definitely follow certain guidelines and practices to create attraction with your eyes.
As a general rule of thumb, the first thing you want to do even before you approach a girl is to look into her eyes.
Locking eyes with her while you deliver your opening line is a great way to build trust and chemistry even before you start chatting her up.
As far as what the right kind of eye contact feels like, you want to make sure it’s unwavering and piercing enough to covey your strength and dominance as a man, but also relaxed enough so she doesn’t think she’s talking to a serial killer.
Another great rule of thumb would be to maintain said eye contact when you’re talking and break it every once in a while when she’s talking. This helps balance out the tension that’s caused by holding eye contact over a period of time.
Women are programmed to intuitively pick up on certain non-verbal social cues that we as men send their way. And one of these important social cues is your body language.
So you better make sure you exhibit your body language in a way that screams “high-value male” to her subconscious mind.
A great way to make this happen is to:
Most men goof up their approach and get rejected even before they deliver their opener.
Wanna know how?
Because they’re approaching women at an angle that just feels off, socially uncalibrated, and uncomfortable to them.
See, when you abruptly appear out of nowhere in her line of sight, it’s very likely for her to feel caught off guard. This in turn, sets off her instinctual fight-or-flight response causing her feel pressured and automatically reject you even before she gets to know you.
Instead, you want to approach her from a safe distance from the side, while still being in front of her. That way you ensure that she sees you walking towards her before you engage her, giving her time to (subconsciously) prepare herself to be approached.
Back in 2014, I took a bus to New York city where I did my first ever bunch of approaches.
Needless to say, I got rejected by every single one of the first 5 women I approached.
While you’d your first guess would be that it was because I was just starting out with my journey (which in a way is true)…
Turns out my coach at the time pointed out that I was getting blown out because I was scaring women away by approaching them with a super serious, creepy dude look on my face.
Look man, women being women are sensitive to the emotions they feel off you.
So when you walk up to them looking closed off and serious like you’re doing her a favor, you’re essentially conveying unpleasant emotions that girls will steer clear off.
On the other hand, making the effort to smile not only lets her know that you’re a friendly, confident dude…
But also conveys good emotions that women are built to gravitate towards.
There’s just something about having an authoritative, masculine voice that’s seductive to women.
For starters, you want to make sure your vocal tonality is loud enough so she can hear you clearly when you talk.
It’s funny how so many men assume rejection when women walk by with acknowledging them, when the reality is that he wasn’t audible enough for her to hear him out in the first place!
Another way to make your voice sound attractive is by talking in a breaking-rapport tonality where your voice pitches downwards at the end of every sentence. This makes you sound dominant and authoritative, both of which signal masculine leadership.
Communicating with women in a tonality that sounds weak and apolegetic conveys that you’re insecure and unsure of yourself as a man, which is a massive turn off for women.
So be mindful of your decibel levels as well as the pitch of your voice when you approach women.
So there you have it. 6 potent and proven components that when perfectly blended together can make your approach the best she’s ever had 😉
Now that you’ve read the piece to it’s entirety, do yourself a favor and start applying these principles to each one of your approaches.
If done right, I promise you’ll see a 180 degree shift in your interactions as women respond to you with more interest, intrigue, and warmth.
(The Talk Your Father Never Gave You)